It might sound like this:
Ninety nine percent of my life is lived happily. Today, I’m experiencing a rare case of the 1%. That 1% includes the most grueling heart ache I’ve ever endured. My emotions boil of sadness, loss, hurt, anger, rage, brokenness and questioning. All mixed in this fog of ‘why?’
A week ago, I became single again.
When I was nine I had a lesson in communication that no nine year old should ever have to live through. Divorce happens to every other person now. That’s life, so nine year olds live through it. Because of that lesson so early in life, I became who I am today…and proud of that, too. Through life, I’ve tried my hardest to make communication a priority, a strong point, something to recognize and nurture. Relationships/friendships take work. And I’ll give my best to them.
Last week…my first time ever to endure and accept that peoples love differ from one another. And I know this is ok. But, dang, it’s hard to live through. Actually, it makes me a crazy person. What a roller-coaster of feelings. Tears well up and drip like the icicles do in Springtime, when I let myself feel this. Numbness will not suffice nor solve problems, so I refuse to be numb.
Someone just told me that most conflicts/arguments/disagreements are 80% mis-communication. Think about that….if we, humans could communicate honestly what we want (really knowing what we want) we’d be able to solve 80% of the problems we usually walk away from.
Last night I called a few friends. Asking for “positive words for 5 minutes please” because anything but happy isn’t fun. And frankly, I like living happily. I am humbled by life’s challenges. But I’m still in need. Needing wisdom from elders, words from the wise.
Searching my soul……..How do you let go and move on without hurting so much?